The first I played to myself repeatedly as a reality bite in 2016, trying to accept what I couldnt. Took years. The lyrics painfully vocalised what I tried to.
The second, I discovered by chance, and its my kind of soul voice. I feel each second in my cells.
And if you cant handle that, grow the hell up! It seems self evident to me that given the divorce initiation ratio, men have a greater developed sense of duty and commitment to their partner no matter the difficulty of the relationship. And that is backed up through my conversations with friends around the world about their Dads and they themselves
Thanks to Youtube for sending this to me the day after the previous post. Youtube Algo is on a roll!
Here’s a fun few seconds from a guy called Kevin Samuels, speaking some uncomfortable truths to a client. Kevin is focused on black women, but looking at hard statistics (verify for yourself), 70% of ALL marriages are ended by a women. When you factor in college educated women, that figure climbs to 90%.
Check this short out. (PS: Thanks Youtube algorithm for pushing this to me last night.)
NOTE: this is far from misogyny. These are quoted, widely available statistics. I am teaching my lovely young girls in my care how to be committed, loyal and with a sense of familial duty if they go that way. I believe in family, and I’ll take it with me to the grave.
Courtesy of this friend:
Apple is a dog I found on the internet. I found her whilst in relationship with my ex, and I can remember privately wanting to prove that I was good with dogs to her, to surprise her. Pro Tip: never prove anything to anyone. Because you will forever be proving.
Picked Apple up in Saskatoon, paid for her myself, and with a cone on her head from her snip snip, drove back to Calgary all within 12hours to the minute. It was low flying. Apple was doing some flying with her butthole too, as she farted out pure methane repeatedly on the way home. Filling up with gas, the gas pump attendant said the smell must be coming from the nearby gasfields/sewerage works, but when I informed him it was the dog, he could barely believe such potency could come from such a small package.
Apple became Ruby Sparks, which to me, sounded like a porn stars name. But it stuck as I was committed to team and that was that.
Many adventures ensued and I have put some pictures below. I think they’ll do more justice than my broken heart can provide with words here.
When my separation happened in 2016, Ruby was the element who was always by my side. I really took comfort in her presence and if it wasnt for her I dont know what I would have done. She was the one constant.
When I felt like I could not go on – multiple times in 2016 and 2017, her gentle love kept me going.
When she was stolen from me in 2017, it was devastating for me, as not only had my kids been ripped away from me, but now my dog too.
I fought a protracted long battle to get my dog back and by Gods grace, I did. I was cleared on all filthy allegations, and my dog was back. I renamed her Faith Ruby because I knew in good faith, I would get her back because I had done nothing wrong. The Civil Resolution Tribunal got it right.
But she was obese now, and could just walk short distances. She looked like she aged ten years in the space of just under 11 months and so I put her on a diet of exercise and reduced calories.
Ruby never was the same after that, and slowly continued her downhill decline as I guess dogs must do. She was sprightly enough (after losing her gut) to climb small hills with me and go everywhere I went, but something had died. I cannot forgive for this.
Ruby eventually got to the point where her legs were failing her, and she grew over a dozen tumours on her body. New ones were appearing all over her body, including her ears, legs, stomach and back.
She went 95% deaf and her cataracts grew to the point where she would lose me if I was ten feet away from her in the dark mornings when it was time for her morning ablutions. Walking on a flat tarred road at snails pace was an ordeal for her, and she would sometimes nearly fall down whilst walking. Plus her spasms/ convulsions had become overpowering causing her to fall on the floor and were as frequent as one in every 3minutes at times.
The last ten days of her life she declined terribly and I had a hard time finding things she would eat. She refused kippers, meat, kibbles, bacon bits. She struggled to drink and it was clear she was in severe pain. The vets could do nothing for her.
The morning of her last day, she hadnt drunk water in nearly 16hrs, and was vomiting empty stomach bile on the floors at home over the last few days.
Someone once told me two years ago, that when its her time, I will know it. And I did.
I was just angry with the situation that she couldnt last another six months to a year or more and I always thought she would make it to 15 at least.
But she went very peacefully without pain. Her last actions on earth were her legs moving like she was running a mile a minute and then her tail started wiggling more quickly than I ever saw it since knowing her. I felt peace that she was running off to dog heaven and happy to leave the pain behind. She’s buried in a lovely field in the Cowichan Valley between two large trees where she will never be disturbed.
I love you Ruby. I am happy you are at painless peace now. You were my faithful companion during the toughest experiences of my life and as always you deserved more than I could ever give you.
In no particular order:
Just a short while ago, a reader of this blog told me that I should stop abusing the mother of my children, as well as my three daughters.
I love this kind of navel gazing comment, as its clear that I havent really spoken to my ex since 2016 and my children and I have a thriving relationship thanks in no part to anyone else but us. Your side of the table, dear barely lucid Commenter, has worked hard to destroy our relationship, and you will receive judgement/ karma for that soon enough.
Keep wringing your wrists – every day I will give thanks that I no longer have to see you. Your true colours were displayed a while ago, and you were found wanting. Pro Tip: never leave your IP address when contacting me.
Here’s a pic of my daughters revelling in something I taught them by myself whilst they are only schooled in French at school. Reading english. Its been a near year long journey (I see them too infrequently due to my Court order) where my youngest is now exceeding expectations in this category at school and Skye in particular has become a voracious reader in English and was selected to be a reading mentor to a younger kid at school. Eden is now a capable English reader, and whilst its not her favourite, she is becoming fonder and fonder of it.
I’m proud to be the sole parent having taught my girls, because no one including the haters reading this blog, can ever take away this gift the girls know I gave them.
KISS MY ASS.
We wouldnt be who we are today without the influence, control, joyful interactions, spectre, devastating death of relationships, happy endings to bad relationships, that we’ve all experienced. We are a product of our lives, even if we choose new paths late in life.
I want to thank someone for being an influence in my life and for putting into words something that I have been wanting since a child – the Simple Life. As I heard that term relatively late in life, I liked it and tried to live it – but with dire consequences as it became rebuffed against the fierce defences of a life held strictly against anything simple.
As I’ve contemplated and meditated on that phrase, however, I have at times extremely slowly made it my own. I now own my own version of what I want from it to describe the new life I will lead.
My vision is without bounds but is visible in my “minds eye”. Rules are soft ones, and interchangeable at that. I find discipline for the birds – which rails against everything I’ve strived for in my life. If it doesnt come from the heart, then its like smiling from the teeth – fake. I’m not into plastics anymore so I have a strong aversion to pretences – something I used to live by.
I always bragged that I was a WYSIWYG guy. I guess if you have to make a big pelava about something, then you’re not really it right? Right.
I learned that I wasnt as WYSISWYG as I thought – there was much work to do. And as I buried underneath the foundations, I discovered some gnarly contradictions in my belief system and pattern.
Laying them out on a deck for them to see light of day was blinding to say the least and I am happy that Ive done it.
So without further prose, here’s what I want: A simple life.
A life where the main duty everyday is to enjoy it.
Where peace reigns, and the sounds of birds, fauna and flora dominate.
Where there are next to no distractions apart from living and where needs are simple and as easily met as possible.
I want to live in an earthbound cottage that I build with my own two hands, that can disintegrate and compost itself back into earth when I leave this mortal coil.
I want to leave only things that can be enjoyed by my childrens childrens children. The rest is drivel.
And I want to be guided by my heart and soul and leave the rest to tossed out like dross for the worms.
Thanks for reading.
This is how they slaughter crocodiles for those so called luxury goods. I can only think that the same treatment should be due the execs.
Soul Pilot 